Stop. Breathe. Remember God's Simplicity...

I can be negative, but then I see someone being nice to me. I can get angry, so to blow of steam it is best to wipe the slate clean. I can be sad, but then I'm shown that's how happiness is grown. I can get bored, but what's lying ahead is better than a day in bed. A constant chore, and sometimes beguiling, in the end, I'm caught smiling.

It seems like just yesterday we were kids, I hated you and you loved it. You made me so furious. You brought out the worst in me. I remember hitting you with a wire hanger, and slamming your fingers in my bedroom door. You made me run Butterfield Stage, until I felt sick and you laughed. You told me the Spice Girls were lesbians, and sometimes pretended to be possessed, just to make me cry. I saw what I wanted to, I never stopped to see how beautiful you are, loving and thoughtful. I never noticed that you walked me to school in the mornings, and that you took care of me when Mom was at work late at night. Of course you'd pick on me, I was five, and you were only nine, but you also made me food when I was hungry, and made sure I got my homework done. You were a child, taking care of a child. I chose to always see you as my punk sister, but it wasn't until I was fifteen, that I saw you as a young woman, who could one day be someone's wife, and late...

Don't ask me how I'm doing if you don't care to know. You won't break me, just pick up and take off- Stop with the lingering. Don't forget to pack your insecurities and put it in a box. Write "just like me" in sharpie. Take the coward way out and remind me why I didn't want to believe. There's so little of me to offer, but you didn't have trouble taking it. I was hesitant on opening up, but Like travelers who've wiped their feet on my generosity, Nomad, you've been blunt. This isn't my style, and this isn't your thing. I'm no one's regret. No one's mistake. Pick up and take off so I can pick up and move on. I remember now why I've never believed.

The moon sings remedies outside my window He sits on the clouds and skips stars into a lake of sky.

My Only True Friend, Help me believe in myself, because even though you have always believed in me, I have been my toughest critic. Prince of Peace, Help me understand how blind faith works because right now I can see through my blind fold,  but I'd never admit it. King of Kings, Help me trust you'll guide me to the promised land because the promise you've offered me, can't be treated like promises from others. Mighty God, Help me drown out Satan, because when I close my eyes I see him in my face, waiting to look me in the eyes and laugh. Loving Savior, Help me be vulnerable and brave, because when someone tries to come close, I push them away with a ten foot pole. Dear Father, Help me make beneficial mistakes, because I forget I'm human, and that you will always love me.

mirror image childhood memories solitude in a tub the undulation of the water when I moved first time warmth had wrapped its arms on my skin water-logged ears, body submerged the noise pollution is muffled noise-sensitive, can't breathe ,but the water helps drown it.