God vs. Man (My Trusting Problem)

Trust does not come to me willingly.
I don't welcome him with a warm embrace.
That part of me was not assembled properly.
It doesn't compute.
Vulnerability: hand in hand with devistation and pure heartache.
It's almost inevitable.

I feel lower than pond scum,
because I treat God like man,
believing that there is nothing he can do to fix this,
or me.
Not believing that he can make life better,
because as of now, it's a million spinning plates,
and despite how fast I spin one,
another one begins to topple.
They can't all go at once,
and since I can't do it,
God must not be able to either.

I can't ask for help and trust that it's okay,
because that's weakness,
and is frowned upon
(usually(sometimes(depending(it shouldn't be)))).

At church, we sat on stage
(The message was spoken from the center of the room).
A new perspective.
Like our new series, I felt the service done in my heart was new.
I could see the entire church praising God,
I could hear their voices,
I could see them clapping,
raising their hands to Heaven,
smiling,
giving themselves entirely.
young and old.
I saw them unite in God,
and trust what He says, He'll do.
A new concept, I know.
I saw my church pick up their shield and sword,
ready for the battle that lies ahead.
They were okay with it,
they didn't know what was coming,
and they were content.


"...and if our God is with us, then what can stand against?"

I admired that.

Comments

  1. It is really neat to see everyone in their own world with themselves and God. Like they're the only one in the room with our Lord. "Privacy in a crowded room" is how I think Pastor Howie put it.

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