Unfamiliarity

I don't know how to feel
(or what I'm feeling).
Things I never thought I would say
I've said out loud to others
and unhealthy emotions I would never express
I've let brew inside of me,
willingly.

Brewing, this boiling substance that wraps up
all anger and hatred
into this balled knott
pulls downward
in the pit of my stomach.

It sits there
and it weighs me down,
down so much
I've had a hard time
bringing it up
and letting it off my chest.

My tear ducts have this unfamiliar pressure
and my eyes have this tingling sensation,
but no tears form.

My chest hurts,
and as a result my breathing is anything but regular.
Like a dog on a hot day, I'm panting.
I have been running to catch my breath,
and I still am.

I don't know how to feel,
mainly because it's an unfamiliar feeling.
Do all these emotions together form something entirely new?
Or is this just me not knowing how to deal,
or what to do?

God help me.

Mental Note: You don't always have the answers, but you must always keep looking forward. Focus and what makes things better, not what brought you down.

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