Atria del Sol

I don't want to grow old.
The world turns on you
and betrays everything you worked for.

As a child, it works with you.
As a teen, it's always against you.
As an adult, it's a group effort.
When you're old, it turns its back on you.

I went to Atria because I was forced to.
I stayed at Atria because I wanted to.

So many people believing that there was nothing left to live for.
Preparing their wills and getting religion because they're ready to die.
It was heart-breaking.
The kind of thing that makes you want to cry out of hoplessness.
Which is something they feel each day,
but it was a new feeling for me.

I still believe the world is a good place.
I wonder if the world turns against them,
to remind them we're not of this world.
Or  because it was never on our side to begin with.

My hand instantly goes to Bess's knee
as she lays cold, half-naked on her bed.
One foot in this world, one foot at God's gate.
I see her ribs, her sullen face.
My heart breaks to see my friend so weak.
Emaciated. Alone. Dying in front of me.
The sign above her head reads,"It is the wish of Bess and her family for her to die peacefully. Please do not sneak food or Ensure. Thank you."
I wonder when is this ever okay?
Without realizing it, a tear slips onto my chin, and I immediately wipe it away.
I'm still working, I'm still on the clock.
Wipe the tear and fix your apron, you've got work to do.

To me, the world turns against the elderly because they're too slow to keep up.
They inch their way through their days with walkers and canes, complaining about the room temperature or why they serve lunch at noon instead of eleven thirty like at the other retirement community.
They get left behind.
Jesus wouldn't leave me if I fell.
On the contrary he'd pick me up.
I wipe the tears because, although it's sad, you need to give them a reason to smile.
to live.
to remember what it was like when the world was kind.
and show them that they haven't been left behind.
I notice they've fallen.
and I'll stay right there and help them back up again.

Bess' ribs pushed against her skin.
She was practically dead, physically, mentally,emotionally.
No one comes to visit except the employees.
I stand next to her on my lunch break.
"It's just me Bess, don't worry."
Her eyes close again and I pull the blanket from under her legs and put it over her body.
Wipe the tears, and go out again into this world, take it down with me.
I'm not of this world anyways.

mental note: Don't feel sad for those you will leave this Earth. Enjoy what you can of this world, and know the one you're waiting for will never disappoint.

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