Making My Peace

I've decided I love you
,but will never be like you.
I couldn't.
Don't have that in me
(and wouldn't want to either).

I see the children look up to you.
They trust you so much.
Believe you could move mountains,
and fly if you wanted to.

I see the children when you let them down.
Like their hopes they saw in you were destroyed.
Like you could have saved them,
and you chose not to.

I get furious all over again.
I remember that hurt.
Hurt as a child is worse than hurt when you're grown,
because it's so new.

I remember seeing kids during recess.
Laughing with their friends and living in a world
that I already knew didn't exist.
They probably thought they could fly.
Probably believed they could move mountains.
They believed anything they were told.

I decided I will never be like you.
When I say I'll be there,
there I will be.
When I promise to do something,
it's already done.

I couldn't stand to look at my child's face
and see the disappointment and hurt I have grown up with,
and continue to feel now
(though my skin is thicker now than then).

I could never ruin the innocence of a child's fantasy.
Or intentionally show them how to tear down love.
All I will do, is show the child every day of their life,
how to live, love, and believe that the sky is the limit,
and with God they can move mountains.

Mental note: God forgives you. So, forgive others. Learn to let go.

Comments

  1. Annie OakleyJune 11, 2010 at 12:08 AM

    I love how this just fuels your faith. Thats so strong.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You Could Have Called the Angels

You could have stopped it. I would have nothing bad to say. I wouldn't blame you. I sinned, not you. you're perfect. While the world was weighing you down with callous glances, and cold-heartedly shouted,"crucify him! CRUCIFY HIM!" You lay nailed, remained calm,saddened by what the world has become God's creations against one another we're tearing eachother apart like the plague. yet you hold no grudges We know how to live. We know how to love one another, what to say, not to say, not to kill, or lie, or cheat, or steal. Yet we live wrong. You could have called the angels. They could have filled the sky and blocked out the sun and mirrored the darkness we have allowed into our hearts. You could have shown you were the son of God. They would have changed their ways. For the time being. You could have called the angels and aborted your philantropic desire to be the ultimate sacrifice. but you didn't. I look around Jesus, a
Read more

Feelings UNmutual.

I'm not good at feeling If it's needed to be shared. I can't bring someone close, without being scared. I can't quite shape it. It started since birth. It's like my heart's with God's people, but is fresh-out of self-worth. My heart belongs to the world,  because I believe in their fate, but I set up self-standards and tend to self-hate. Not an "image" self-hatred or where I am from, but a portrait self-image of who I've become. and it's easy to love and it's easy to say that you shouldn't judge this or act out in this way and it's easy to guide and not so easy to follow and it's not easy to fill your soul when it's hallow. I don't like sharing how I feel. Or who I've become, it's an attention unwanted, that makes me feel dumb. and the dumbness is numb. and the numb is the sum of the amount of good feeling that will never come.
Read more